[Dylan's handwriting in the letter below is much neater and more legible than his regular entries, a love letter written to a girl who never received it as it was still part of this journal when police took it from his home.
(Please dont skip to the back: read the note as it was written)
You don't consciously know who I am, & doubtedly unconsciously too. I, who write this, love you beyond infinice. I think about you all the time, how this world would be a better place If you loved me as I do you. I know what you're thinking: "(some psycho wrote me this harassing letter)" I hoped we could have been together... you seem a lot like me. Pensive, quiet, an observer, not wanting what is offered here (school, life, etc.) You almost seem lonely, like me. You probably have a boyfriend, though, & might have not given this note another thought. I have thought you my true love for a long time now, but... well... there was hesitation. You see I can't tell if you think of anyone as I do you, & if you did who that would be. Fate put me in need of you, yet this Earth blocked that with uncertainties. I will go away soon, but I just had to write this to you,
the one I truly loved. Please, for my sake, dont tell anyone about this, as it was only meant for you. Also, please don't feel any guilt about my soon-to-be "absense" of this world. [arrow points to a note in the margin that reads: "It is solely my
decision: nobody else's."] Oh...
the thoughts of
us... doing everything together, not necessarily anything, just to be together would have been pure
heaven. I guess it's
time to tell you who I am. I was in a class with you 1st semester, & was blessed w. being with you in a report. I still remember your laugh. Innocent, beautiful, pure. This semester I still see you rarely. I am entranced during 5th period, as we both have it off. To most people, I appear.. well... almost scary, but that's who I appear to be as people are afraid of what they don't understand. I denied who I was for a long time. until high school...
Anyway, you have noticed me a few times, I catch every one of these gazes w. an open heart. I think you know who I am by now. Unfortunately...
even if you did like me even the slightest bit, you would
hate me if you knew who I was. I am a criminal, I have done t
hings that almost nobody would even think about condoning. The
reason that I'm writing you now is that I have been caught for the crimes I comitted, & I
want to go to a new existence. You know what I mean. (Suicide) I
have nothing to live for, & I won't be able to survive in this world after this legal conviction.
However, if it was true that you loved me as I do you,... I would find a way to survive. Anything to be with you. [arrow points to margin where Dylan writes: I would enjoy life knowing that you loved me.] 99/100 chances you prob. think I'm crazy, & want to stay as far away as possible. If that's the case, then I'm very sorry for involving an innocent person in my problems, & please don't think twice. However, If you
are who I hoped for in my
realities, then do me
Leave a piece of paper in my locker, [arrow to margin note reading: "Locker #837 -- combo=19-37-9 --near the library"] saying anything that comes to you. Well, I
guess this is it-- goodbye & I love(d) you.