Dylan Klebold | Dylan Klebold's writing

The first written page of Dylan Klebold's 1997 journal, written was written on March 31, begins with a preface he wrote: "Fact: People are so unaware... well, Ignorance is bliss I guess... that would explain my depression."

The grim words set the tone for the rest of the personal diary. His journal and the things he wrote for school allow for an inside look at what the shooter's mindset was like in the weeks and years before the massacre at Columbine. Dylan describes not fitting in, being depressed, and generally hating his life and existence. In another entry later that year he wrote, "I swear -- like I'm an outcast, & everyone is conspiring against me...".

During one period Dylan's tone briefly changed. He described his 'first love' though it was an unrequited love. He listed several girls he claimed to love, but never said he told them about his feelings. In fact, whenever he brings up the subject of talking to a girl he has a crush on, the romantic prose often dissolves into self-hate. In one letter he wrote (but never delivered - it was found in his notebook) he claimed to love the person dearly. It starts out as a letter from a secret admirer, but quickly turns into a list of all the reasons why someone wouldn't want to be around him. He later wrote another letter to a girl (possibly the same one) that describes in veiled terms how he's planning to do something horrible soon and would understand if she didn't want to be involved. That undelivered letter, too, turns into another exercise in self-loathing.

In November of 1997, he penned out a fantasy about getting a gun and going on a killing spree. Most of his entries had less to do with wanting to hurt other people than himself. They also focused on not understanding why the world and his peers refused to give him the attention and affection he so badly craved. He seemed to hold himself largely at fault for it at times then at other times blames society for not being as smart as him, which would allow them to find common ground with him.

Klebold's 1997/1998 academic day planner is filled with what appear to be random thoughts and poems. One entry simply says, "The lonely man strikes with absolute rage."

In April of 1998, at the end of their junior year Harris and Klebold received their copies of the Columbine High School 1998 yearbook. A year before the rampage, Dylan made four entries in Eric's yearbook. One referred to "the holy April morning of NBK (Natural Born Killers)." Another says, in part: "killing enemies, blowing up stuff, killing cops!! My wrath for January's incident will be godlike. Not to mention our revenge in the commons."

Their "revenge in the commons" was on April 20, 1999 when they tried to blow up the cafeteria and went on their brutal shooting spree. The January incident Dylan refers to in his writing was when he and Eric were caught breaking into a van. Dylan seemed to think that the crime and the juvenile diversion program he was sentenced to had branded him for life as a dangerous criminal. His view of how serious that particular crime was seems extreme considering how relatively minor it actually was. Neither he nor Eric were even sent to juvenile hall. They simply had to complete the diversion program, which they both did so well that they were released early. But to Dylan, this was the point of no return. He was a bad guy now.

In September 1998, Dylan wrote a school essay entitled The Mind and Motives of Charles Manson. He later turned in a paper to Creative Writing class (a class he shared with Eric Harris and Brooks Brown during 4th period) that his teacher, Judith Kelly, thought was inappropriate. She gave a written statement to police following 4-20-99 that detailed the nature of the story and her reaction to it. The story was about a man coming into town and killing all the popular kids. Ms. Kelly talked to Dylan's parents about it; Dylan dismissed it as "It's just a story.". In 2009 Dylan's mother, Susan Klebold, wrote an essay for O Magazine wherein she says that Ms. Kelly didn't actually show Dylan's parents the paper as she didn't have it with her during the meeting. With the Klebolds' consent the teacher said she would turn the writing assignment over to the guidance counselor and see if he thought it should be followed up from but Sue said that the counselor never called them about it.

There were about eight pages found in his notebook, apparently written the day before the assault on the school. One portion read: "About 26.5 hours from now the judgement will begin. Difficult but not impossible, necessary, nervewracking & fun. What fun is life without a little death? It's interesting, when i'm in my human form, knowing i'm going to die. Everything has a touch of triviality to it."

There were a few more pages of drawings and writings included in the notebook, all notes about the coming shooting.